That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
