i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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