thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
