I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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