And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
