dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
