yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
