Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I cannot find my penis.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
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alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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