I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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