just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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