i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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