I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had sex on a roof
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
