i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
