You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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