And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
