i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
