And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
