i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
