He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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