Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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