Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
