Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
