dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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