haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
