So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
