So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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