Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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