ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
