just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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