i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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