You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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