he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
