I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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