i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
