So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
