So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
