I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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