i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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