I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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