The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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