I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
