a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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