dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
