do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
