oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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