im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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