Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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