So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
