Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
