I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
