Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How's work?
Spinning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
