I'm gonna have a badass scar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
