Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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