i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
