4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
