3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
