I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
