you guys were way drunker than both of me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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