i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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