im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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