I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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