I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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