just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
