Small penises have feelings too.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
