i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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